2 Years - Second Anniversary of Death

Today is two years and the rain is pouring all our tears. The white lilies, death flowers, are blooming.
When I got in the car, Elton John was playing for me ‘Someone save my life tonight.’ Elton John was special because only you knew I liked him. If you were channel surfing you always stopped for Elton John, turned to me and smiled. Then I would sing for you. Only for you, otherwise I only sang alone in my car.
When your daughter and I checked into the hotel, she found a watch on top of the folded towels. I said we should turn it in to Lost and Found. She said it was a gift from you. Who else would leave something in our room on this day? A watch with white, your favorite color on me, and an orange stripe, my favorite color, that matched the shoes I was wearing, with a silver tone square face, because I only wear silver or platinum and I like squares, and four rhinestones. Four, 04-04-04, the day you died.
I got in my car. The tears fell in a solid stream on the outside corners of my eyes. I held my head in my hands. I rested my elbows on the steering wheel and I wailed. Slowly, then deeper, the wailing mounted, injured, hurt, sadness from deep inside.
Only one of my oldest friends called today. Your daughter and I mourned. We left a rubber duck under a small tree overlooking the end of the Grand Canyon, on top of the highest rock on the ledge, off trail at Canyonlands National Park. We left it at the Grand Canyon because the first time both of us saw it was with you. We left it at the end of the deep canyon because what was deepest in us had ended. We left one of your rubber ducks because we wanted to be there with you. Because it still hurts.

1 Year, 6 Months - Other Widows

Last night I went to a friend’s house for dinner. There were four of the women from the Hospice Grief Counseling for Young Widows and a new widow, a religious widow.
The baby of the widows still thinks he may come back. Perhaps it is a conspiracy. She is contemplating anti-depressants. Our host went to a singles group at church. Se opened the door and then turn and ran.

You have been sending me messages in songs. When I doubt it is you sending me songs the next song is by Elton John. I have never heard so much Elton John in my life. I sang the song for you, loud, with a smile knowing you are there and tears because you are gone.
One of the women says I am a riot. I was hyperactive and interrupted and talked too much, talked too much about me. You were always there to help moderate me. I was a better person with you.